This is not acting. Life is not just like the movies. Has all this violence in the media and movies driven our kids to be violent, and yes, gulp, to kill?
That’s not a pretty thought, however, in the space of a week, 3 school shootings have occurred in our nation, one victim and one gun at the hand of a 3rd grader. We are talking 9 years old and these are no longer isolated incidences.
Bullying and violence does indeed begin at home whether it is a child’s internal self-hatred dialogue, generated by parental violence or negligence in conflict resolution or gun-safety. Kids vying for acceptance, love, attention or popularity are just kids, after all, and violence seems to work in the movies, after all. Are we really surprised that our kids resort to bullying or guns to solve problems?
Yes, with this news, plus the buzz about ratings for the new documentary movie about bullying, “The Bully Project,” I am back on my own bullying pulpit, for those of you who know me. I am all about wellness, balance, family and community…”The Village.” Especially in times of crisis. This is a crisis for Dr. Renee’s Village. And coming together is the healer to violence. Let’s discuss.
While I applaud all the talk, programs and now movies with an aim to be inspiring, “Make a difference” and create a movement to end bullying as one factor, is this really enough to counteract the society and culture condoning of guns and violence for the solving of conflict? Are programs and pills and celebrities “just trying to help” enough of an answer?
Now you know I am not a cynic, however, given both traditional research and new alternative treatments, there is still alot of work that needs to be done in program evaluation for bully prevention. What doesn’t get taught at home must, at least, be taken up by “The Village,” to help raise our children.
What is clear about bully prevention, is that we all seek:
- Proven, strong behavior-changing consequences for bullies
- More adult supervision in bullying hot spots (in hallways between classes, lunch room, school buses, cafeteria)
- Parent involvement and training (parents knowing code of conduct and consequences so they can enforce it at home)
- Teacher training (teaching teachers how to respond to bully events)
What is also well-known is that most peer mediation or peer mentoring programs don’t work and can increase victimization…which is a major reason I am not a full-on advocate for pre-teens or teens to see a movie about bullying alone with their peers and no adult. It’s not the language I care about. It’s the adult and teen experience. If a teen, age 12-16, is too “cool” to go to an R-rated movie with a parent, teacher or guardian, well then they are “too cool to follow rules” and maybe right there is a key to a child’s behavioral problem. We all have rules we don’t like to follow, or we think are “uncool” or ridiculous, but we follow them because laws are made to keep order.
As parents and teachers we have to be the responsible CEO’s of our kids and our “Village,” keeping order by establishing and enforcing a network of support and responsibility. If a parent is having difficulty with their child’s behavior, they hopefully will seek resources for help, but still be the CEO of their kid and handle their business! Schools should absolutely show movies like this with teacher guidance (teachers who are trained in bully prevention, that is), conversation and study. I have not seen this particular movie yet, and I do applaud the effort, so please keep that in mind, while I advocate for its potential for discourse with a goal to diminish violence.
Movies to raise discourse, celebrities ( Lady Gaga launches her foundation Born This Way at Harvard today) and anecodotals of real bully incidents as game-changers have not been studied thoroughly, what we also do know is that states and federal government have thrown a lot of money into programs that do not work and our intentions should be put to further research and programming on what we do know works.
Here’s what does work:
Behavior Modification.
Just from studying child behavior, we know that major behavior change does not happen without behavior and environment modification. Especially an ingrained behavior like bullying. Especially if a bully has a home environment that is violent or unsafe. If this was the case there would be no need to have rules and consequences, you could just make kids feel “emotional or feel bad for doing bad things”…a simplistic way of looking at the artistic intent of a movie or a presentation.
Kids with Chronic Adverse Behaviors Need Treatment.
It’s coming out that the alleged Ohio school shooter posted clues to his despair on Facebook. Most kids with chronic bully behaviors or violent tendencies are “acting out” or giving clues in all areas of their lives, not just in school and so need individual treatment including that of a psychiatrist or psychologist. Thinking that just seeing a movie, no matter how good it is, will change what could be a psychological disorder (oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder) is like wishing a movie could change a bipolar disorder or ADHD, ie. “maybe the kid will see how his hyperactivity is effecting the class and thus sit in his seat.”
How might “The Bully Project” movie help?
Emotional Intelligence. That’s the job of the “The Village” adults.
Skilled parents and teachers who know how to deal with bully situations should attend this movie with students. If no one is there to “police” the behavior and I use the word “police” for obvious reasons…no matter how emotional they feel while seeing the movie, generalization and activation to real life is unlikely. Remember these are kids in a busy world. In fact, studies show that most people do not accurately assess their own behaviors to self-identify as a bully, not to mention kids or bullies with mental challenges.
Lastly, if students are inspired to stick together, as the director, Lee Hirsch says he has seen from inspiring Facebook messages from kids who have seen the movie, then, of course, that is very positive. But I would bet that the kids “sticking together” are kids who have been taught or somehow have learned empathy and compassion at home. Most bullies are not that great at assessing the fact that they are bullies. And if you ever have met a parent of an alleged bully, you know that they are likely in denial as well. So, my question is, if you don’t think you are a bully, and the bully problem does not apply to you, and this movie is for all the other people that “have that problem”, how are you going to get help from the movie alone? You need someone who has emotional intelligence and hopefully some training to guide you through it, point out behaviors, and help you make insights. Everyone knows this simple truth: what good is a message delivered, if the receiver is not home?
Doctor Renee 